Dealing With Grief (Significant Loss)
Jackson Snyder, October 5, 1996

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Objectives - To understand grief

1. Many of the losses persons experience when faced with HIV;
2. The range of emotions associated with grief and loss;
3. How to effectively respond to persons who are experiencing grief.
   (1) Exercise (from Regional ACT Network Manual, p. 36ff) and discussion of emotional issues.
   (2) Stages of grief (adapted from Peavy, The Five Stages of Grief According to Kubler-Ross: A Critical Evaluation). (Optional)

A cut finger -
is numb before it bleeds.
it bleeds before it hurts.
it hurts until it begins to heal.
it forms a scab and itches until
finally, the scab is gone and
once there was a wound.
Grief is the deepest wound you have
ever had. Like a cut finger.
it goes through stages and
leaves a scar. (Doug Manning)

    (a) Shock, a built-in protective device, providing a sense of numbness.
    (b) Anger, often irrational and triangling, masking other emotions.
    (c) Guilt, self-blame, self-persecution.
    (d) Bargaining, a symbolic "clutching at straws."
    (e) Acceptance

  (3) Appropriate response - Isaiah 63:9 (NIV)
     (a) In all their distress he too was distressed,
Quality of empathy
    (b) and the angel of his presence saved them.

Doing vs. being
    (c) In his love and mercy he redeemed them;

"Redeemed" means to have given someone a sense of value
    (d)
he lifted them up and carried them....

Lifting of spirits
  (4) Advanced exercise in "being" - Visit a lonely, comatose patient in the ICU at the local hospital three times, twenty minutes per visit.
    (a) On the first visit, sit in the room and listen to what the patient is telling you.
    (b) On the second visit, touch the patient and listen to what the patient is telling you.
    (c) On the third visit, touch the patient and quietly but vocally respond to what the patient has told you the last two visits.
    (d) Make sure to journal throughout.

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